Of wives and cell phones  

As you undoubtedly are aware, automobile insurance companies provide many discounts: for good drivers, good students, non-smokers, and the like. I'd like to suggest that discounts also be provided to drivers who do not have cell phones.

I thought of this this morning on the way to the campus, when a fellow in one of those vehicles you have to buy at a lot on top of a craggy mountain came at me at an intersection and I saw my life pass before my eyes (not a pretty show, by the way). We avoided an accident, but I'm sure we would never have nearly met that way had he not had his cell phone to his ear.

God knows where his mind was. I figure his wife was giving him hell for having forgotten all the things he should have done yesterday and telling him he'd damn well better not forget today. I know I'd be listening to my wife give me hell for that sort of thing if I had a cell phone. Without one, however, I just get to listen to that before I go out the door, say my "yes, dears," and climb into the silence of my car. So I drive much more carefully than my near new acquaintance, and I think it only just that my insurance rates be lower than his.

In fact, it occurs to me it's dangerous enough to drive with my wife alongside me and listen to her recite all my undone tasks and other faults, of which the list is just a page or two longer than the litany of the saints, and how much safer I am when I'm alone in the car and able to devote my full attention to avoiding accidents with people who are talking (or, in the case of husbands, listening) on their cell phones.

Come to think of it, maybe the insurance companies also ought to give a safe driver discount for husbands who drive alone.



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