An Evil Guide to Science Writing

Are you having trouble reading scientific literature? The following phrases, frequently found in technical writings, are defined here for your edification and enlightment. This list was plagiarized from some unknown genius who evidently read one too many scientific papers.

IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN: I haven't bothered to look up the original reference.

OF GREAT THEORETICAL AND PRACTICAL IMPORTANCE: Interesting to me.

WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THESE
QUESTIONS: The experiments didn't work out, but I figured I could get a publication out of it.

EXTREMELY HIGH PURITY: Composition unknown except for the exaggerated claims of the supplier.

THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY: The results on the others didn't make sense and were ignored.

ACCIDENTLY STAINED DURING MOUNTING: Dropped on the floor.

HANDLED WITH EXTREME CARE DURING THE EXPERIMENT: Not dropped on the floor.

TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN: The best results are shown.

PRESUMABLY AT LONGER TIMES: I didn't take the time to find out.

THESE RESULTS WILL BE REPORTED AT A LATER TIME: I might get around to this sometime.

THE MOST RELIABLE VALUES ARE THOSE OF JONES: He was a student of mine.

IT IS BELIEVED THAT: I think.

IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT: A couple of other guys think so too.


IT MIGHT BE ARGUED THAT: I have such a good argument for this objection that I shall raise it.

WITHIN A MAGNITUDE OF: Wrong.

IT IS HOPED THAT THIS WORK WILL STIMULATE FURTHER WORK IN THE FIELD: This paper is not very good, but neither are any of the others on this misrable subject.

THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE GLOTZ FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE EXPERIMENT AND TO JOHN DOE FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS: Glotz did the work and Doe explained what it meant to me.